I stepped on the scale this morning, and much to my delight I hit a big milestone. I now weigh under 200 pounds! It's been a long time since I could say that. I have no plans of ever seeing 200 pounds on my body again. Now I'm really going to have to work at believing that. To tell you the truth, I'm so scared right now. Afraid that I will put all my weight back on. I really need to work at BELIEVING in myself. Believe that I will continue eating in a healthy way. Believe I will continue exercising. Believe that I'm worth taking care of myself. I know I still have a long way to go, 60 pounds to be exact, but I'll try to be excited for where I'm at at this moment. It is okay for me to give myself that pat on the back and be proud of my accomplishment so far.
I started giving up things for lent a few years ago. I'm not catholic nor have I ever attended a church that does lent. I just think it's an excellent idea. The idea to fast from something that maybe hindering our relationship with the Lord, is not a bad thing. Last year I gave up Coke-a-cola for lent (I was drinking 2 liters a day, and no it wasn't diet). I'm happy to say that I'm still not drinking it. 
The last few days have not been a huge success for me. It has nothing to do with MY weight loss, but everything to do with what I'm eating. Just when I think I might possibly have this new way of eating under control, BAM, I'm wrong!!! 
I think I'm like most overweight people when I make this statement, "I do NOT in any way, shape or form like to see my body in a mirror naked!" I really don't even want to see my body in the mirror fully dressed. One of the things that p.i.n.k method asks you to do is to look at yourself naked in front of the mirror and pick two things that you like about your body. I just can not bring myself to do that. Maybe someday but not at this point. I did however pick out two things that I like about my body. My extremely dark brown eyes & my small ears. Guess what? I don't have to be naked to see those two things. Even when I'm thin, I can't imagine me seeing myself thin. I guess that is something I need to work on.
Okay, here it goes, "I Barbara J Brinker, can and will continue to lose my weight in a healthy way. I will keep it off. I will believe in myself. I will not doubt that I can do this. I will do it because I want to be healthy. I want to ride a bike a few miles (right now I can barely make it around the block). I want to run with the babies and not be out of breath in 30 seconds. I want to go swimming and not be afraid to jump in the pool for fear of all the water will come out of the pool. I want know that if I can't do something, it's NOT because of my weight. I want to go into a room and not be the biggest person there. I don't want to worry if I embarrass my family because of my size (they have never made me feel that way, it's all my own insecurity). I want to shop in the petite section and not the woman's department. I want to feel and look healthy. I want to be around to enjoy grandchildren. I want be able to jog or maybe even run a mile or two (right now, I can't even do that down our road). I want to take a family photo and not feel like I need to hide behind everyone. I want to fit comfortably into a seat on an airplane; and not be worried for weeks on end at the thought of what if I need to ask for a seatbelt extender. I want to only take up one seat at church, and not hang over the sides. I want..."
Yesterday was not only the 'Super Bowl' game, but I had a 30th birthday party to go to. I knew a week ago that it was going to be a day that I would be cheating. So when I stepped on the scale today, to say that you could have "colored me shocked" would be an understatement. I lost a pound! Yippee! My stats below will show that I've lost more than that, but that is over the last week. 
